Why We Write: Small Gestures, Big Impact
Harvard Business Review recently published an article on the value of small gestures in the workplace. They profiled a CEO who handwrites a birthday card to every employee in the company. When he travels, he loads his suitcase with cards and pens an average of 150 cards per flight.
Mike Krzyzewski, coach of the Duke men’s basketball team, handwrites birthday cards to every former player and manager. He recently told Jay Bilas on ESPN, “It’s really a reminder, I hope, to a player that you’re still on my mind.” I can’t decide what’s more surprising: that this Tarheel is praising Coach K for anything, or that the importance of handwritten notes got air time on ESPN.
Showing up for celebrations like birthdays is great. Reaching out in the hard times can be really intimidating.
In their book There’s No Good Card For This: What to Say and Do When Life is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love, Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell identify why we struggle with small gestures in the hard times:
You can get a copy from Help Each Other Out or your local bookseller. I got mine at Chet Miller.
“If we imagine that helping equals rescuing someone from their pain, we’re more likely to shy away from the effort. We could easily feel unprepared to handle such a large responsibility or erroneously conclude it’s not our place to do so in the first place. Even when we’re feeling confident in our ability to shoulder a ton of things for other people, it only takes one long day at work, one awful night with the kids, or one awesome invitation to get away for the weekend for us to decide we need to relegate that big job of empathy for another day. If you are struggling with feeling like what you’re giving is inadequate, know this: you are probably doing great. Doing anything, even small things, is totally adequate, and adequate is awesome.”
There’s good and bad news here. You will never cure great pain or fix a giant mess with a note. But you will make those situations more bearable, probably to a greater degree than you realize.
In the 1970’s, Dr. Jerry Motto tested a hypothesis that “caring letters” could reduce suicide rates. He and a team of researchers mailed handwritten letters to a group of patients discharged from a mental health facility after attempting suicide. As one of the researchers said recently on a CBS Sunday Morning segment on the study, the letters conveyed a simple message: “We care.” Those letters literally kept people alive. Letter recipients attempted suicide again at half the rate of patients who didn’t receive letters.
Reaching out matters.
We might not always know who in our circle of friends, family, and acquaintances needs a caring letter. The upside of this is that no one hates getting mail. So whether it’s needed or not, your “I care” message has positive impact. It can come in the form of a thank you note, or a just because, or as in Coach K’s case, a birthday card.
Sheldon Yellon, the CEO who knocks out 150 notes per flight (for a whopping total of 12,000 annually), also writes to tell an employee when they’ve done a great job. He sees them. He cares. In a demonstration of their appreciation, his team sent him 8000 birthday cards when he turned 60.
You don’t have to write 12,000 notes a year. You can write one. One matters. One is adequate, and adequate is awesome.